You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My vagina just recognized that song.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
