Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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