about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
