I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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