I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
