So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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