it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she woke up with a sticky ear
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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