Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
