Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
