I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
