Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
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we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
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When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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