Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
