So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dignity is for republicans.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
