I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
