I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
