It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
