Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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