dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
