Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
