My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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