I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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