Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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