Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
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You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
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Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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