I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
