I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
