i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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