Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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