i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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