Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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