I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
