i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
