Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
