Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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