If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
