He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
