I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
