I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
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