It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
