You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
