i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
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He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
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I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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