you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
