then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
