He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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