in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
