I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
