she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
