Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
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We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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