Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
