Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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