so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Even my vagina gasped.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
