I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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