I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
