my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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