I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
