I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We left an ass print on the piano.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
