The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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