I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
