I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
