that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
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He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
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So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.