The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...