idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"